2006-08-28 - 7:31 p.m.
What if I advertized myself in an online dating service?:P
First of all, I'm not being a total cynic about it (knowing I'm also still single and have never really been in any serious relationship yet.) So if I'm unintentionally offending anybody here (especially those who advertize themselves in dating services --- in websites or other regular mass media), I am truly sorry.:| But I'd like to ensure you that I'm not making fun of you or even accusing you for being desperate. It's all cool if you want to do that.:) I mean, we all have our own ways to accomplish our goals, don't we?;)
Me? I'm the kind who still believes that love will eventually come and find me, 'though I still do little light searchings here and there.:) No hassles, no rush. Love often comes when I least expect it. It has arrived at my doorstep a few times already before, in different shapes and personalities. None of them ever stay longer than I've wanted to, because they were never really mine and I've gotten my heart empty (not completely broken, actually --- because I've never really decided to give my heart out if I know they can't --- or won't --- be mine and might leave anytime soon.)
Some of the good guys I'm friends with have ensured me that I'll get my share of that bliss someday. (When? When?? a slightly desperate voice inside of me echoes annoyingly, until I must shut her up many times.*big evil grin*) I've also received hassles from my own family --- especially Mom and Menti most of the times --- with comments like: "Come on, you'll turn 25 this year. You're supposed to already be planning your wedding, but you're not even engaged yet!" or "Your sister already has a boyfriend, but how come you don't?" or Mom's worst fear that I might end up like my intelligent Grandma Rin: an old maid.*rolls eyes*
*huffs*Pressures, pressures.:( When will they all just stop and leave me alone? I mean, what if I had someone just for the sake of telling them, "Look, I've got what you all want --- my own boyfriend. Finally. Happy now? Will you please leave me alone?"
Okay, that's just too harsh.:( Don't worry, I'm not going to tell them that.*giggles like a maniac* But seriously, should our true happiness in life only be measured by our luck in relationships? What is love anyway? If people can change, then will love stay the same? Will it always be there?
TB once told me that love --- as well as life --- was never really that easy. True. (Btw, I miss you.:|) Love takes work. That's also true, especially in relationships. But, how can it work if it's not even really there from the start?:( I mean, let's say I join a match-making session (whether coreographed by my own family or something else*raises an eyebrow*) and a potential candidate turns up and somehow shows interest in me (or the other way around). After a few dates plus chit-chats, how will we both know we might click perfectly? Is it possibly love already, or just casual friendship (uh, I don't mind with this too, actually, and that's the reason I've gotten that more*grins*)? Or something else I'd rather not discuss here even further, because that could be countless possibilities --- delightful or scary?*big evil grin*
Anyway, you can say that I might possibly have developed serious phobia about 'long-term commitment', and I'll just simply admit that. I'm not naturally a hopeless romantic.:P I'm more of a realist and a bit of a cynic. I keep wandering on this earth, constantly battling my inner insecurities and struggling to keep my sanity well-balanced ('though not always succeeding...lol...) There are still good things about being single, but I'm also not denying that love is also what I need. But I don't want to rely my entire life and happiness on one source only (except God!), because --- if that mortal source is gone, then what else do I have? What's still left in me?
Btw, can love and freedom come in one package? I'm not talking about cheating, because that's just an awful thing. It's something else like: will he still allow me to be me, since I'm sooo not into any control-freak?:P Or will he insist that I should change my everything for his sake, to be exactly like he wants me to be --- twisting the true meaning of 'compromise'? If it's all like that, then I'm out --- for good. I'll just fly away. I'd rather be alone.:( I only want to change for me. I can only compromise if I believe the changes are for the better.*shrugs*
Having watched "Must Love Dogs" (*giggles*), I wonder how people might react if I advertized my slightly intriguing profile:
"Don't worry, I'm not looking for a prince charming from a fairy-tale, or a knight in shining armour (but a shining Harley is quite acceptable).:P I'm not even a princess material anyway. I'm more of a tomboy. I'm a bit feisty when I'm angry, but if you have soothing personality that shows a prince charming / a sweetheart in you --- I'll soften up and make sure my temper won't scare you too much. I stick to my beliefs and principles, but I still listen and have the will to compromise. If you're looking for a duet partner in a karaoke lounge or even on-stage, I'm your singer.;) Love books, movies, or do you have other fun hobbies / interests? Show me your world, and we'll find out together if we can get along."
*giggles* What do you think? You'll be the judges, and I'm always up for honest opinions. No sugar-coats, please!:P Besides, I'm not serious about wanting to use online dating services anyway.*big evil grin*
The Crazy Author
