2006-07-30 - 7:05 p.m.
I attended a neighbour's house-warming party this morning. It's only half a block from the restaurant. He's an old lawyer who often eats at my family's restaurant.:) So, in order to repay for his kindness, I showed up there carrying two relatively large boxes of pudding and baked potato with cheese --- as invited. Of course, they happily accepted my gifts.:D
But my joy soon faded as I noticed a religious preacher too (I'm sorry, I can't mention a specific religion here, because I don't want to sound as if I'm spreading hatred over here.:| That won't be fair) was invited to give an opening lecture and blessings for the guests at the event. I don't mind the blessings, though, but his lecture just genuinely irked me.:( It was just unbearably extreme and radical. He said something about how women/wives and daughters in the family should obey their men unconditionally and even without questions. No women should ever really be allowed to manage their family's financial aspects, because it was considered dangerous.:( No women should ever go out of their homes without their husbands' permission, no matter what. But the only thing I agreed with him was how we should take care of our parents, especially when they're old and helpless.
As I sat listening from the other room, I couldn't help but gritting my teeth so hard and just wanting to cry furiously right there and then.:'-( It hurt so much and...*sighs* my dearest God, it still does. Is it true that You're only taking the men's side for always and simply blaming women for everything? Why did he seem to despise my kind so intensely, generalizing most women as 'the bitches who are no good in handling everything'? It was so damn obvious that the preacher agreed with The Stupid Draft (RUU APP) with its misogynistic contents. And if he said we all should love and respect our mothers, then why the hell should we be so damn picky about this? Mothers are women too!:x That just doesn't make any sense to me.
If he has problems with career-women/women who work outside their homes, then he better take a look at men who are supposed to be the head of the family --- but just don't work to earn money or just ditch their wives and kids. Would this preacher expect the wives and kids to just give in and do NOTHING?! HELLO, REALITY CHECK HERE!!:x
It's true that we must take care of our parents when they're getting old and helpless. But he also said it was the sons who had more obligations than the daughters on THAT. Oh, really? Then where the hell was Dad when his own mother --- Grandma Uti --- fell ill with the stroke? He'd simply escaped to work and sometimes yelled at The Almost Twins and me over little matters, because he just couldn't face reality that well.:'-( Mom had always been the greatest, taking care of Grandma Uti until she passed away.
And when Mom's mother --- Grandma Mimi --- was ill, where the hell were my uncles? It had been Mom and Menti who'd mostly taken care of her until she passed away. Other siblings had always complained and come up with lame excuses when they were asked for help (although I knew some of them were rich enough to even pay for the medical bills.*rolls eyes*)
What about when Grandpa suffered intense depression the first few months after Grandma had died?:( The same thing. Excuses after lame excuses that made me utterly sick to my stomach and just want to scream in pure rage and frustration.
*deep sigh*
:'-(...
Oh, God. I think my hands are badly shaking again...
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that I just can't stand this whole shit any longer. It's such a sad fact that women in my country have given their biggest sacrifices and still have to take the blame for everything and be treated like total crap.:'-(
Of course, I couldn't risk myself being the ungrateful, insolent guest.:| I ended up keeping my mouth shut and just letting all my angry thoughts explode within as a headache. I ate lunch with the rest of the guests, smiling as genuine as I could make it look. Then I bid farewell and returned to the restaurant, silently hoping all the other guests would be smart and wise enough not to buy everything that preacher had just said. I'm sorry for saying this, but religious preachers are human beings too --- not holy saints. They can never play God, pointing their human fingers around to decide who's immoral and who isn't.:(
And I hope I'll never have to end up with an insecure man who's much happier keeping me locked up at home like a caged animal. No way!
But most of all, I'm not sorry for defending my rights and what I believe in. I may never belong in heaven, but I don't believe things should be this way and women in my country must suffer more.:'-( I won't.
*deep sigh*
God, I sigh a lot these days.:( Please, help me find the way. I need to feel safe, but definitely not caged.:'-(
Speaking of safe, I've checked that Malaysia seems to be a much safer place to live in than my own country. (I know I'm not supposed to feel this way, but I just can't help it. I'm sorry.) I've sent e-mails to potential-looking colleges and even their embassy in my hometown, hoping to find myself a way to get a scholarship or even a ticket out of here.
I'm hoping they'll hear my cry for help...:'-(
The Sad, Scared, and Angry Author
