2006-07-02 - 7:23 p.m.
I've written a sampling article for The Jakarta Post. I decided to write about people's disagreement on The Stupid Draft(a.k.a. RUU APP). I know, I'm getting painfully obsessed with stopping it from happening.:( Well, what else can I say? It's still a mean, scary ghost lurking behind my back around here.
Alright, then here's the deal: I'll stop even talking about it for good and for real, when SBY The President will publicly announce that the stupid draft will never ever be legalized. Then I'll get to live my old, peaceful life again --- eventhough I still have to deal with lecherous creeps on the mean streets everyday here. No choice. You can't change the whole world to be exactly as you please. You just need to do what you have to do to defend and protect yourself and your rights from any danger. You're the one responsible for your own safety, not other people. Especially when you live in a country where the only law that can truly protect you is the law you can buy. (Ironic, isn't it?*raises one eyebrow*) You can't rely on anybody all the time, because --- hey, let's just face the truth, okay? No one can always be around for you. In the end, you're always on your own.
Speaking of that, I've been overly sensitive with the way some guys stare at me as I pass them by on the streets lately. Broad daylight or night-time, it's just the same. No, I'm not going to rudely stereotype the guys here, because I've also met some wonderful gentlemen all my life.:) I can tell the difference between staring at a girl with pure admiration and respect and eyeing a girl with 'something else' on their minds.:| I have a pretty good intuition about this.
Case number one:
One night back in college years, my friend Risma hopped in my ride on the way home and we stopped by to pick my sister up from her old workplace. My friend Reynold (who'd worked there too) got out first and we had a talk. When he'd spotted Risma in my family's car, he turned to me with a shy smile on his face and asked, "By the way, who's that cute girl?"
I swear to you, I could see right there and then. Rey is naturally a sweet, sensitive guy (a rare quality I find these days), but also shy. His eyes had gradually softened up, and I'd played my part as the match-maker.;)
Thankfully, they only lasted six months. Why did I say 'thankfully'? Because, a couple of years after my college graduation, I found out that Risma was actually...a bitch.:( She'd stolen my best friend Gini's boyfriend Grant away. Enough about the sad story. That's not exactly my personal issue, but still...her behaviour was clearly unacceptable.
But you got my point, didn't you? The way Rey had stared at her that day: that was pure admiration and respect. And he did treat her right. I'm so not kidding you when I'm saying this: I genuinely wonder how it feels if there really is a guy who'll ever stare at me like that --- as if I'm the most beautiful human being he's ever seen in his entire life, despite my hideous flaws and the existence of beautiful people like Amy Lee or Gwen Stefani-Rossdale.:P
Oh, great.:| Now I'm just being mushy and bitter at the same time.*rolls eyes* Enough. I'll worry about that later.:P*big evil grin*
Case number two:
Now this what usually happens to me almost everyday when I'm on the streets alone. I'm taking a bus to work. When I look out the window and just want to ponder, a street thug is eyeing me intently with a rather devilish grin. When I stare back hard and full of annoyance, his grin simply widens into a sneer and he seems to get strangely 'excited' over me. I have to look away and shut the window after that. Yuck.:|
Then I get off in Blok M and have to walk a few blocks to work. I see similar kind of twerps watching and grinning at me with sheer 'interest'. You know it when you notice their eyes are all over you, as if you're a valuable market item or not. I try my hardest to ignore that while they're obviously enjoying me as their view of 'entertainment'. It's no use giving them an angry expression. They'll enjoy it more.:( Some of them will even make mocking comments like, "Wow, you're feisty!"
The hell I am! Damn right. I'd rather have them think of me that way than letting them believe they can harrass me in any sick way they like.:x Trust me, I can tell the difference. Eyes don't lie. They're not really seeing me. In their minds, I'm just nothing but merely a walking, breathing property --- a moving object without a brain and a heart. These lecherous creeps often more just give in to their dirty thoughts (but so far, I'm so lucky to be safe from harm. I hope it'll stay that way.:|)
And I wonder why guys like them just exist.:'-( This hurts like hell. They don't make me feel safe and I'm more furious than scared!
*deep sigh*There. I've presented two extremely different events. I hope you'll get the picture.:|
Well, I need to work on keeping my sanity even more these days. I don't know if I'm that strong, but showing weaknesses is no good. I can't let them take my freedom to even just breathe the open air here. This is my country too. They have absolutely no rights to scare the hell out of me!:(
I also don't allow just any guy to even grab my hands, unless if they're already good friends of mine and I feel safe with them.:( Sorry, but I'm not easy.
God, I should stop feeling like this! :(
The Author
