|
2006-06-30 - 7:13 p.m.
I'm back, people.:) Today's the very last day of this month and...guess what? RUU APP (The Stupid New Draft of Bills for "Antipornography" with its majorly misogynistic contents) hasn't been legalized yet. Or so I've heard. I guess my sister's boyfriend Gatot the TV senior reporter is right about it.:) It's not that quick and easy to want to legalize something in the government. It takes time. Besides, there have already been lots and lots of people disagreeing with the stupid draft.:P Most of them (including me, the girl who works hard outside her home to support her family, of course) have been sensing a twisted, hidden agenda behind it. It smells very political. I'm telling you this because I'm sure. Even someone without valid political nor law backgrounds can tell. From the start, it's not about repairing the citizens' so-called broken morality. It's not about ideology nor any specific religion, because religions are supposed to support peace and tolerance and living together with diversity and in harmony (I know I've said this countless times already and can imagine how sick you might be reading this.*big evil grin*) It's about greed. They just want power. They don't give a shit about women or even protecting them. They're insecure because they find women can be more successful than they are. It's just a whole bunch of crap from the pathetic sexist pigs.:| Does that mean I can stop worrying now and celebrate freedom? Hmm, I'm afraid not yet.:( I'm still catching up with the current news, and I can see all too damn well that the perverted hypocrites / the narrow-minded blind fanatics aren't quitting yet. They're willing to force to standardize the citizens' way of thinking. They're still spreading hatred everywhere. It hurts more than a bee-sting. There are nights when I feel like wanting to scream. Just crying is also useless and such a weakness.:( I know, I'm being awfully paranoid about all this. But if some of you have ever heard about my country's crisis and chaos back in May 1998, you'll get to understand my fear. Believe me, RUU APP will only create the same old crisis and chaos (or even worse). Most people will easily get assaulted and killed by mere prejudice and nonsensical hatred by power-starving savages. Women will have to suffer their worst nightmares even more --- like being chased and hunted down like preys, threatened, harrassed, and even raped by so-called men with their uncontrollable beastly lust like those unsolved cases in May 1998.:'-( The monsters will possibly be unleashed and get away to roam freely all over again. There'll be no laws nor even justice. No humanity and no democracy. No love and peace. Nothing. In other words, we'll be just as good as dead.:'-( This is not just my paranoia or even a fearful prophecy for my already poor country. But I'm sorry, I'm afraid I can't help it. The signs are already all there. It's everywhere. It's almost like finding yourself among the tall buildings and wondering about the snipers. You're wondering where they might possibly be and whether you're their next target to hit. You badly want to hide, but where? You're afraid to make even just one false move, but staying still will only leave you as a sitting duck. That's what claustrophobia in open air feels like. It's what might possibly happen if the stupid draft is being legalized by those morons. Trust me, those shallow people have no idea.:( They're not well-aware of what they're doing to this country. And sadly, the government just doesn't do no shit about the anarchy/vandalizm that's been scaring most of the citizens around here.:( I mean, none of us ever really feel safe here these days. I need to feel safe. I don't want to be afraid. I'm utterly sick and tired of this anger. My soul feels jaded and awfully restless with this pain. God, help me please.:'-( Just give me loads and loads of extra strength, so I don't fall apart easily without putting up my best fight. Strange, as I'm writing this entry, I somehow still feel the automatic numbing process within me. I just read it in the local newspapers. Emotional regression, that's what they call it. I don't dare say it's better for now, because a human being without a feeling isn't a human at all. But it's dangerous to allow yourself to feel way this much about anything these days, especially if you're in my place. It just hurts too much I want to disconnect. But I'm sure this will only take a while. This has happened to me before. Been there, felt that. My family obviously refuse to talk about The Stupid Draft. I can tell their discomfort when I even start bringing this subject up. They think I'm just being overly silly, making such a huge fuss about it. They even joke about it. They laugh at my anxiety. They're clearly optimist it won't happen at all (I strongly hope so too). They even say, even if it's legalized, it won't affect their lives that much. Oh, yeah? Well, we'll see about that. But hey, I'll have to get myself the hell out of here if things turn badly. I don't care how. Call me a coward if you like. I never want to turn my back on my own country, but look just what'll possibly happen if those bullies are giving me no choices.:x *deep sigh* Don't worry, I'm just so used to not being listened to by my own family. That's why I write more than talk. That's why I'm the quietest at home (except when I'm singing.:P) After all, I'm just a freak in their eyes. Once a freak stays a freak. Always.*shrugs* Offering them the petition form to go against the stupid draft? Forget it. They'll just laugh at and mock me anyway. My friends? Most of them are still out of reach, but I've slowly reconnected with them (since Mima's wedding). I'm also still waiting for the news from my brother's friend Tyas and her mother. They're so against the stupid draft too. My aunt Menti's warned me to stay out of trouble. I know, it's a lot safer to just be a good, obedient girl --- whatever happens. Yeah, right.*rolls eyes* I fear being caged more. I don't owe those shallow people my freedom and everything. They can't kill my idealism unless I'm already dead. I can't just let them win. I won't. This is my country too.:'-( Eventhough right now, I just feel more alone and isolated than ever. About fighting this stupid draft, I only have a few friends and numerous strangers in the mailing list. Most reguler citizens are still too afraid to vocalize their disagreement, because they fear of the possibly constant terror they'll receive from the blind fanatics if their identities are uncovered. They choose to play safe, like my family. They choose to be ignorant, believing it won't be so bad. *sighs* Oh, well. I'm still praying hard for it to never ever have to happen. Ever. I just hope God will answer. After all, God Knows Best. Right?:) Okay, enough with this long rant. I must figure out a topic for a writing sample. I'm planning to apply to The Jakarta Post (my country's English newspapers), and they'll need it before July 8. Who knows? I might get lucky this time. Wish me luck, okay?;) The Author
previous - next
|