2006-06-04 - 7:17 p.m.
I forgot to mention that Tiger has returned to Quetta for a month or so. This time, I'm beginning to get used to it.:) I mean, he always returns home from Karachi every summer.
I guess this means I've come to really accept reality that he and I are only better off as just best friends, nothing more and nothing less. True, a part of me will always love him.:) In fact, he and I are also more like soul siblings than anything else now. He's made me promise to be extra careful with myself and my own family, regarding the harsh, political situations in my country. He's always worried about my temper.:|
I know, I know.:( Despite my real age, I still lack of patience. That's my major issue.
Damn. I think I've just made myself feel those three things again. Anger. Hurt. Fear.
Besides, Tiger wasn't being fair.:P Back when he had issues with his parents, he'd sworn to join military if they wouldn't listen to him. I'd never made him promise not to enter military or anything, just suggesting him not to rush into hasty decisions he might've possibly regret later. (j/k)
Alright, it was a bad joke.*goofy grin* But at least, his parents finally listened.:) And Tiger didn't join the military force, because his girlfriend had given him a break-up threat.:P
But then again, how could I ever really resist a sweethearted-gentleman's request?*smiles sheepishly* After all, we're best friends. We watch out for each other the best ways we can.:)
Perhaps I should talk to River too. My dearest God, it's been like ages since he and I started exchanging e-mails! I miss those old, good days.:) I mean, I know where to reach him, but --- sending long e-mails to each other is different from just stopping by at his webcomic's forum and leaving him a short pm like "Hello" and stuff.
And his birthday is on June 22nd.:D It's also the same day as my city's.
I'm also worried about TB.:( He's been disappearing. Where is he now? Is he alright? Is he safe and happy? Has he really forgiven me? You know, there's not a day goes by without me thinking of him. Sometimes even wondering too much like this can really hurt too.
And I won't change the fact that --- somehow --- I still have these feelings for him. (Stupid?? I don't know. Why don't you tell me?*scoffs*) That's right. I love him. I don't care what he really thinks about this. My feelings are my problems. I know he and I just can't (and won't) be. But don't worry, I can understand that.:) I hope he still remembers that I just want him to be happy. That's all.
And I hope he and I can be friends again.:( I want that.
I watched The "LOTR" Trilogy last night. You know, seeing my situation these days, I've felt quite similar with that character Eowyn. We care about other people. (I don't mean to brag about this, but I just can't stand being a heartless bitch!) We're not afraid to die (well, this is just a mortal life, anyway.*shrugs*)
In fact, I just know how she feels about Aragorn.:| I wish I could be as strong, brave, and big-hearted as she is --- especially when she lets him go. I hope I can attend Tiger's wedding sometime in the future with a smile on my face, just like Eowyn when she attends Aragorn and Arwen's wedding.:D
*sighs* God, I can get too sentimental about this.*giggles* I know she's just a fictional character, but she's still my inspiration.:P Many thanks to Tolkien anyway.
What else does Eowyn fear? Just like me, the cage.:| We both fear being locked up until we lose our strength to survive and just be brave, and then die of old age and in vain. Scary.:(
That's just how I've been feeling these days.:( Living in my own country as a woman feels like being caged. If the new draft of bills is seriously being legalized this month, what's going to happen to me? What's going to happen to my kind and our own country?
I hope somebody (more or less like Aragorn) would convince me that it isn't going to be my fate.:(:(
"Stop racism. Diversity is reality."
No, not just racism. Sexism, fascism, fanatism, chauvinism, terrorism...
They all must go away. Just die and be gone.:x
The Worried Author
