2006-05-09 - 7:07 p.m.
Well, since I've been rather too gloomy these days, I'll write something else much lighter today.:)
Remember the last time I dreamt of Joza?:P I'd told Tiger all about it, and he'd suggested, "Maybe you should say hi to him again, who knows he might be thinking about you too." I'd hesitated, but then finally sent Joza a message through Friendster:
"Hey, want to know something funny? I dreamt about you two nights ago. I saw you smile, but then your smile faded away. But I hope it was just my dream and you're okay.:P"
Of course, I'd skipped the part about his girlfriend Sasha in my dream, because I didn't want to jeopardize our still fragile re-connection between old friends. Besides, was it even really worth it? I have to be more realistic and mature about all this. Sometimes, there's no point in hanging on to a dream, especially dreams that can't (and won't) even come true. No matter how truly sweet they can really be...
Anyway, I thank God that I don't have my old romantic expectations about Joza anymore. These days, friendship is much more important than that.;)
Then last night, I finally got a reply from him:
"Hahaha, you're right --- it's funny! But you don't have to worry, because I'm okay. Thank you anyway.:)"
Awww!:D *sighs*
I'd wanted to tell Tiger that, but he and his girlfriend seemed to be involved in a serious conversation last night. I felt rather embarrassed disturbing them on messenger.*blushes*
This reminds me of a conversation I had long ago with my other college good friend Tio, when I'd invited him over to my restaurant. From scriptwriting to bizarre tales on TV, books and movies --- and then suddenly to more personal stuff. From his relationship with his girlfriend Sari to...my single life. Almost like Tiger, he's the kind of guy I can't hardly lie to, especially since he's always been the mysterious, mature type of guy (he's only a year older than I am, but we entered college at the same year.) I remember his piercing eyes as he'd asked me questions I didn't feel like answering.
"Are you close with your family members?"
"Hmm, pretty much." Or else, I wouldn't be writing my journal here.:P
"What about a boyfriend? Do you have any?"
To be honest, I'd seriously had to stomp my own foot under the table for that.:P I mean, I've had more than enough receiving pitiful stares from those who already knew my answer to that question. But, since I knew Tio wasn't the kind to make such a fuss over a simple matter, so I'd told him the truth (but NOT the whole truth, or else he might've thought I'd been pathetic!*rolls eyes*)
"No," I'd told him calmly. "I've never had any yet."
"What type of guy do you like?" His next question had been out of my expectation. I'd positively dreaded he'd have asked, "Why?" or "How come?" with similar exasperation.:P
"I don't know." I'd shrugged nonchalantly. "And I don't know why I've always fallen for my own best friend. It's unavoidable. But...he has a girlfriend now." When I'd found Tio still staring at me, I quickly added with a grin, "Don't worry, it's not you."
"I know." He'd smiled, and I'd been a little cautious after that. Did he know who I was talking about? I mean, he knew Joza too in our college. In fact, the three of us (with other three guys) had skipped our Monday class together only to go to Pondok Indah Mall and back --- driving in Joza's silver-gray Timor (a sedan that was sold during our college senior year) that late afternoon back in October 2000 (okay, too much details about that solitary, beautiful day.:P*giggles*) Had Tio noticed I'd been unnaturally psyched just sitting next to Joza, like a ga-ga schoolgirl over her favourite rockstar in a meet-and-greet session?
Thankfully, he didn't pursue the topic any further. I was off the hook. What a relief!:P
Anyway, I'd like to go back to those old, beautiful days --- but I have to face reality. Let the past just stay behind. Memories sometimes only slow you down.
Okay, to all the guys I've loved before, I'll always love you.:D Don't worry, no hard feelings. I hope you all will always be happy. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me feel much stronger than before. I'll never regret your presences in my life.
Cheers!*raises my drinking glass*
The Smiling Author
