2006-05-03 - 7:10 p.m.
What are you doing? You're still standing by his doors. They stay shut, you see? Don't bother try the knobs or even breaking in, because I can tell they're tightly locked. It's even useless to knock. Maybe he's just not home right now. Well, even if he is, I doubt he'll open his doors just to let you in.
My dear, you're not welcomed anymore.:|
It's impolite to peek through his windows, especially since he won't let you see anything in there. You'll waste your time trying to, because the thick curtains are down. I know you're wondering why, because you used to be invited. You wonder what you've done so wrong to deserve being cast out unannounced. But you get a clear message that these beautiful little things won't be yours anymore, and how you'll miss them more than ever. You'll miss him too, and it's clear as crystal. It hurts like hell, I know, but you'll get through this. Just please walk away for your own good, this time for good. You know this, because you've been here before. It's way too familiar, isn't it?
My dear, you're just not welcomed anymore.:| I'm sorry, but you have to face the harsh truth.
Hey, why are you still standing on his front porch? Trust me, those puppy-eyes won't ever work. Besides, I also know you're not that pathetic. So don't be so weak. This is just life. Please accept this fact, because we all know some things aren't just meant to be. No matter how hard you may try, there are times when you reach out and can only grab the air. Nothing's always rock-solid there. Nothing's that certain.
Nothing lasts forever.
My dear, you're just not welcomed anymore.:| I'm sorry, but you have to face the harsh truth. Still, I'm sure you know it's not the end of the world.
Outside, the rain has stopped long ago. You're standing in his yard and the sun is almost scorching you to death. Come on, it's time to go. You're only wasting your time here. He's not going to come out and play. To him, the world outside his windows is a dangerous place. He hardly feels safe, because he suspects everyone is out there to get him. He fears they'll stab him in the back or kick him in the face. It doesn't matter if you extend your hand to reach for his, or if your arms are open --- in a welcoming, friendly hug. It doesn't matter if you show him you're harmless. He still won't believe you're not one of them, although you know you're much different. He just can't see that, so he assumes you're just the same. There's no use in convincing him otherwise, or even trying to.
He's not going to let you in this time, probably never again. It doesn't really matter, eventhough you've promised him long ago that you'll always carefully watch your step and try not to break anything in there. Have you broken anything yet? You don't know and you're not sure. Well, even if you have, God knows you never mean to. You've been trying your best to keep your promise and he just won't allow you to prove it anymore. It doesn't matter to him, whether you'll stay or leave and never come back like the rest before. Can't you see? You never really mean anything to him. He believes you'll just come and go after hurting him, just like everybody else. That's why he's not as sweet and warm and friendly like he used to be. You're just way too childlike and naive to him, and he just can't stand it. He can't stand you.
Sssh, please don't cry.:( I know it's hard, but you still have to try. Just like before, I know you'll get by.
My dear, it's time to say goodbye. It's time to just leave him alone again --- as he wishes.
The Author
